{"id":5189,"date":"2026-01-09T02:27:25","date_gmt":"2026-01-09T10:27:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/markcomedia.co.uk\/?p=5189"},"modified":"2026-01-09T02:27:25","modified_gmt":"2026-01-09T10:27:25","slug":"39-thoughts-i-had-while-watching-the-season-1-finale-of-heated-rivalry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/markcomedia.co.uk\/?p=5189","title":{"rendered":"39 Thoughts I Had While Watching the Season 1 Finale of Heated Rivalry"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

I love any excuse to make the Yuletide gay, and given my traditional Christmas rewatch of Todd Haynes\u2019s 2015 film Carol<\/em> was weeks ago at this point, I was thrilled to learn that the season finale of Canada\u2019s gay hockey sensation Heated Rivalry<\/em> lined up perfectly with my glut of plan-free post-holiday TV time.<\/p>\n

So, where did the end of the season find Ilya, Shane, Scott, Kip, et cetera? Below, find absolutely every thought I had about Season 1, Episode 6 of Heated Rivalry<\/em>, enticingly titled \u201cThe Cottage\u201d:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. God, I wish hockey was this gay in real life.<\/li>\n
  2. Actually, hold on now\u2026<\/li>\n
  3. Scott is MVP!<\/li>\n
  4. Fran\u00e7ois Arnaud really is handsome as hell.<\/li>\n
  5. Where do I know him from besides this?<\/li>\n
  6. Oh, right, The Borgias<\/em>.<\/li>\n
  7. Bring that show back!<\/li>\n
  8. I need a handsome butch to drive me<\/em> to a cottage, stat.<\/li>\n
  9. And if it were Zohran Mamdani\u2019s newly appointed FDNY commissioner, I wouldn\u2019t complain.<\/li>\n
  10. \u201c\u2026Groceries, so we don\u2019t need to leave.\u201d Hot!<\/li>\n
  11. OMG, I\u2019m swooning at this cottage\u2026 and clearly Ilya is too.<\/li>\n
  12. \u201cIn case you\u2019re\u2026thirsty.\u201d Hot, once more!<\/li>\n
  13. A two-week honesty pact? In modern dating? Good luck, besties.<\/li>\n
  14. Then again, I\u2019d be honest for two weeks if someone would let me stay at that cottage.<\/li>\n
  15. I don\u2019t even have to have sex in it! I just want to bird-watch from the floor-to-ceiling windows!<\/li>\n
  16. Fellas out in nature, grilling burgers and having sex\u2026I love Canada.<\/li>\n
  17. Oop, depressing parental-lore reveal time.<\/li>\n
  18. Sorry to be such a real-estate-hungry bisexual, but this cottage looks even better at night.<\/li>\n
  19. Oh no, Ilya\u2019s mom \ud83d\ude41<\/li>\n
  20. Ilya looks extremely handsome upon waking, if I may.<\/li>\n
  21. So does Shane, but the light\u2019s really finding Ilya in this moment.<\/li>\n
  22. \u201cI like you.\u201d \u201cI like you too.\u201d Crying!<\/li>\n
  23. Bro, don\u2019t marry Svetlana (no disrespect to Svetlana).<\/li>\n
  24. I want Shane\u2019s cute lil\u2019 Montreal Metros long-sleeve.<\/li>\n
  25. I love the idea of this suicide-prevention charity \ud83d\ude42<\/li>\n
  26. Especially if it lets Ilya and Shane be boyfriends!<\/li>\n
  27. They love each other!!!!!!!!!!!<\/li>\n
  28. I mean, duh, but still!!!!!!!!!!!<\/li>\n
  29. Sorry to be yet another woman frothing over the gay male body as depicted on Heated Rivalry<\/em>, but these guys look really good in swim trunks.<\/li>\n
  30. I mean, they\u2019re pro athletes, so I guess it\u2019s a bit of a \u201cfork found in kitchen\u201d situation (as my Vogue<\/em> colleague Hannah Jackson likes to say), but still.<\/li>\n
  31. Eek, Shane\u2019s dad!<\/li>\n
  32. All dads: Be cool, for once in your life.<\/li>\n
  33. You know what? Shane\u2019s dad (and his mom) are actually being kind of cool, so I\u2019m eating my words.<\/li>\n
  34. Not the feet touching in expensive sneakers and boat shoes!<\/li>\n
  35. I assume the boat shoes are on Shane and the sneakers are on Ilya, but maybe they\u2019re shoe-verse.<\/li>\n
  36. Okay, crying again<\/em> at this touching moment with Shane\u2019s (hot, it should be said) mom.<\/li>\n
  37. Boys, if the legacy of Dana Fairbanks on The L Word<\/em> has taught us anything\u2014also, that one episode of I Love LA<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s that brands love<\/em> gay (or did, before\u2026you know, now). Your sponsorships are going to be just fine!<\/li>\n
  38. Boyfriends \ud83d\ude42<\/li>\n
  39. Back to the cottage for the boys, and back to the start of Season 1 for moi!<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    I love any excuse to make the Yuletide gay, and given my traditional Christmas rewatch…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5190,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[235],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5189","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-culture"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/markcomedia.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5189","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/markcomedia.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/markcomedia.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/markcomedia.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/markcomedia.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5189"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/markcomedia.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5189\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/markcomedia.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5190"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/markcomedia.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5189"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/markcomedia.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5189"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/markcomedia.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5189"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}